Information
What is mediation?
In its essence, mediation is having a conversation with someone you need to sort something out with, using an impartial third party to manage the conversation. The mediator is there to keep the focus on the issues, provide guidance and help to reach agreement.
Agreements in family mediation can incorporate any aspect of separation - including children, immediate finances and/or long-term arrangements. They can be taken forward to be made legally binding.
Is mediation right for me?
Many people phone to ask this, particularly when they find it very difficult talking with the person they are separating from/have separated from.
Mediation has to be right for it to start. To help work this out, an individual consultation, known as a MIAM (Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting) is held. This is where the mediator asks about your point of view - and what you see the solution as being. The mediator also tells you about mediation and other options for resolving matters.
From a MIAM you will have an idea of whether you think it is suitable. The mediator will not put you under pressure either way.
MIAM meetings usually take place on-line, at a time that is convenient to you. They are highly competitively priced. If you are potentially eligible for legal aid, the mediator will help you to access it this.
More about a MIAM next....
Tell me more about MIAMs.
A MIAM (mediation information and assessment meeting) is confidential. It is also a helpful and friendly meeting.
As well as talking about the situation, and alternatives to mediation, the mediator explores with you whether you prefer to mediate on-line or to mediate in person. Similarly, the mediator explores with you whether you would be eligible for the government voucher.
People who have a disagreement over children and/or finances and want to make a Court application without having mediated with the other person will usually need to have a MIAM in order to obtain a "MIAM certificate".
I have been for my private consultation (MIAM). What happens now?
If you have not spoken to the other party about mediation prior to your own individual consultation, you can choose whether it is you or your mediator who contacts the other person in order to arrange their individual consultation.
If after your appointment you do not wish to mediate, or for other person to be contacted, the mediator can sign the relevant Court form.
What happens when the other person does not want to mediate?
If the mediator ascertains that the other person does not wish to attend a private consultation, or that mediation is not suitable, the relevant documentation for the Court. confirming that you have had a MIAM can be issued. The mediator will already have informed you about other forms of dispute resolution such as Collaborative Law.
There has been domestic abuse in our relationship. Is mediation appropriate?
This depends on the nature of the abuse and its impact. In separating families it is not uncommon for domestic violence to be experienced during separation, even when it has not been a feature of the relationship prior to that.
You will be asked about domestic violence and abuse during the initial individual consultations. If you feel, for example, that your experiences with the other person or feelings towards them will make it difficult for you to put your point of view across, an option may be an on-line "shuttle" meeting, where you only see , hear and talk to the mediator. The other person does not see or hear you either.
If there is a sustained threat of violence or intimidation, mediation is not appropriate.
What happens in a mediation meeting?
Irrespective of whether the mediation is in person or on-line, an agenda is drawn up at the start of each mediation meeting and reflects what you both want to discuss. Mediators have some input into the agenda, particularly with regard to financial mediation, as that follows a clear process. The mediator does not take sides and allows you both time to talk and ask each other questions.
Whatever you agree is summarised with you by your mediator and, where practical, is written down and shared. As mediation progresses you may find it helpful that more encompassing documents are prepared, such as:
A Memorandum of Understanding which outlines what you have agreed and provides an important foundation should you wish to have your agreement made legally binding.
An Open Statement of Financial Information accompanies most financial mediations.
Where the main focus is children, a Parenting Plan often serves as a useful framework.
A succinct way of describing the roles in mediation is to say that your mediator manages the process and you both, as the clients, make the decisions
Can it be beneficial for our children to have their say? (child inclusive mediation)
Children and young people are only invited to talk on their own and in confidence to your mediator when there is agreement that it would be beneficial to the children/young people themselves. Interestingly most children and young people like to be invited to do so even if they decline the invitation itself!
Child inclusive mediation can have many benefits, some examples of which are: It can provide a greater focus and clarity when discussing your children's needs. It can help sustain a child's relationship with both parents. Children also value that their parents want to listen to their views, without having the responsibility of having to choose between their parents. Sometimes too, children and young people may simply benefit from having someone to confide in.
More information is provided at the initial individual consultation; it is offered to families where the purpose of child inclusive mediation is seen to be clear and beneficial.
How many mediation meetings are needed?
Once the mediator has met with you both individually, you are given a rough estimate of the number of meetings needed. Below are some general guidelines:
· Children's issues normally require 2-3 meetings.
· Finance and property issues normally require 3-4 meetings.
· All issues mediation (that is children, finance and property) normally require between 4-6 meetings.
Meetings are scheduled around your work and family commitments and last between 1.0 to 1.5 hours
I might qualify for legal aid. How do I apply for it?
If you phone us, we will guide you on the steps you need to take.
I haven't got a solicitor, do I need one for mediation?
Solicitors and mediators have different roles. Mediators are impartial and therefore, as is best practice, we recommend that clients take legal advice at least once during the mediation process, particularly where the issues are financial.
Should you and your ex-partner wish to seek a legally binding agreement, a solicitor can build on from the mediated documents to draft the paperwork for a Judge to consider.